January 06, 2006 - Vitale Verbatim: The Tao of Dick
What can be said of Dick Vitale in a family environment that hasn't already been said before? Some people argue he is an ambassador for the game while others call him a shill who plays into the Sports Center mentality that is robbing the game of its fundamentals... and fundamental glory.
One thing is for sure: nobody calls a game like Dick Vitale. Or doesn’t call a game, as the case may be. Some call his words a kind of stream-of-consciousness poetry; others are less generous.
Of course there’s no accounting for taste—finding charm where others find blather, or vice versa. And there are, apparently, opposing views on the appropriateness of self-promotion and name-dropping at crucial junctures of the action (or while players are injured). Reasonable people also can (and do) differ in their opinions of how frequently Duke should be mentioned during non-Duke games. And let's don't even mention all those silly fools who simply look to color commentary for insights into the game at hand.
I can't parse all that. I won't even try. Instead, I'll let Dick do it for me. Here is some of Dick’s work with the ever-patient Dan Shulman during last night’s Louisville v. Villanova game. Labelled as People's Evidence #1, I submit the following and ask the Jury to read his words and make sense of the game at hand as best you can.
My treat. Enjoy!
Vitale: I can’t wait for [Kansas-Kentucky]. You talk about those two uniforms. Those two uniforms mean so much to the world and to the history of the game. And Illinois-Iowa certainly Weber versus Mr. Alford, a Big Ten clash. Jim Delaney’s gonna—I know Brent Musburger and Mr. Lavin are all ready tonight. They can’t wait for that Michigan State-Illinois game. They just did a game with the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.
Shulman: If you had to pick one home court advantage, is there one court that stands out among all the others?
Vitale: That would be easy. I mean Cameron Indoor Stadium. You’re always gonna have the kids right on top of the court, and there’s always going to be five players out there that can run. And when you got that combination—coach, players, and fans—you got a chance to win.
…[They’ve] played for fifty years here. Tell ya, fifty years ago they won the NIT… then twenty years ago they won the national title—
Shulman: Miller just ran right into Fraser, who is bleeding—
Vitale: I remember Nervous Pervis Ellison twenty years ago—
Shulman: Fraser has just been unable to stay healthy—
Vitale: Hey I know one guy who’s really happy right now as we wait for [unclear] to get back in the game, he’s a big Cardinal fan and I met him yesterday. Cerebral palsy, he’s a beautiful young man. Brian, I know you’re watching, I told you I wouldn’t forget about you Brian. I know he’s watching with the fellow who takes care of him, B.R. They’re going down to see Duke play as well.
Shulman: They bumped into you down in Sarasota.
Vitale, pointing to Shulman: [unclear]… I saw you as well! Look at the sun tan he’s got. You been on vacation, baby! I was at the Fiesta Bowl, ate my heart out, Brent Musburger was there. I mean—
Shulman: What about the Irish?
Vitale: Well, they got beat. But I tell you one thing, the spirit is back…
Upon a Rollie Massimino sighting:
Vitale: There’s Rollie, baby! Rollie Massimino, baby! Hey, Rollie! He looks like he’s been eating some linguine! Rollie and the linguine! You like the linguine, Mr. Shulman! Oh, yeah!
During second half action:
Vitale: You talk about Ohio State. You talk about combinations of football and basketball. I think the best is Texas right now with Barnes and Mack Brown right now what they’re doing. Followed by Florida with Donovan and certainly Urban Meyer and Oklahoma—
Shulman: Nice play by Padgett.
Vitale: Nice play by Padgett. And how about Louisville? How about Petrino and Pitino? How about [unclear].
Shulman: You like saying Petrino and Pitino, don’t you?
Vitale: Oh man. Sounds like an Italian construction company. Got Massimino in the house. Petrino, Pitino. All we need is some linguine!
…Shulman: In our next game tonight, another test for another unbeaten. What are your thoughts on the Big 10?
Vitale: Well, people talk about the Big 10 right now. I think it’s so much deeper than people believe. I really think it’s made a great improvement from last year. Certainly Illinois, to me, surprising to see them unblemished. I know the Orange Crush will be out big time tonight. Michigan State certainly going to be a formidable opponent, and then they got a journey on the road against Iowa, a very good basketball team. So I think it’s going to be a great year for the Big 10. Big East, Big 10, to me, go one-two in terms of ratings for the best conferences.
Shulman: … the Big East’s depth is outstanding.
Vitale: Well it runs in cycles you know. Dave Gavitt formed the Big East back in 79. So time flies. His son Dan now doing a great job…
… You know, as [unclear] said at halftime, they certainly are playing hard. The kids are really battling—
Shulman: —Williams leads the break.
Vitale: He’s very athletic, Williams…
Shulman: Miller and Lowry… Blocked by Padgett.
Vitale: Padgett really—Look at Mr. Pitino! He’s going to get a Mr. T there!
You may direct queries regarding who won the game and how to Mr. Vitale’s question page at espn.com.
Comments
I heard Cosell, I read Cosell, I knew Cosell . . .Dick Vitale sir, is no Howard Cosell.
Cosell was a complete asshole, but he was also insightful and intelligent (two adjectives that will never ever be used next to Dick Vitale's name). Vitale had the potential years ago to be both insightful while maintaining his bafoonish nuttiness (kind of like Billy Packer or old Al Maguire). Watch some old games he called on ESPN Classic. He is almost restrained at times and offers quality commentary on the game he is watching along with his little signature phrases. Now, he's nothing but an empty shell of catchphrases and butt kissing. Bravo to Jill Reston.
jill,
as a writer on this site also, let me say great article! nothing better than letting people tell the story. the writer getting out of the way and letting the situation dictate an article. i personally like dick vitale, i think hes good for the game. sure hes annoying, but seems like a decent guy and is a great spokesman for the game. funny stuff though. also you lend some looks to this talented staff...
With apologies to Kyle, Dick Vitale is bad for the game. He reduces all acts to the same level of "unbelievable"--so that nothing really stands out, or at least he doesn't allow for gradations. You can't grow up watching games on ESPN and learn any appreciation for subtlety and true brilliance. The result--kids just wanna play for themselves, to get the screaming accolades.
Dick is by far the biggest culprit. And he's a humorless bozo to boot.
Thanks a lot, Dick!
ALSO--I used correct grammar. My play-by-play aged like fine wine. Somebody go type up a transcript and prove me right.
Vitale, though--he's retarded, right?
Vitale has passed waaaayyyyy over into BS blather. Adds very little to the game. Listening to him vs. a serious game analyst is like the difference between a gossip columnist and film reviewer. He is trading on his fame, and I hope he slides down and out of college basketball. I'm a 45 year Nova fan, and I love Coach Rollie Mass. But I'm not watching the game to hear Big Mouth Blathering V blow hard about all the neato in-crowd behind the scenes inside BS. I'd rather watch the gd game, so shut up and return the canera to the game. And I'm a Nova fan - imagine how non-Nova fans felt about this crap. Pulleeeezzzze.
There was a time (15-20 years ago) when Vitale's commentary was pretty good. The catch phrases that I now find incredibly annoying were still fresh. He used to actually call the games as they were in progress (no talking about Coach K's genius during a Big East matchup). The only thing I just couldn't handle was when he would call Dean Smith "Michelangelo".
These days, Vitale is a raving lunatic and roundly detested by true college basketball fans. The television commercials (Pizza Hut, etc.), the shameless ass-kissing and name-dropping, and the inflated sense of self-importance all take away from what used to be the greatest game of all.
Just say "No" to Dick.
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
That is all I hear when dookie V calls a game. Having love for the game does not qualify you to do commentary for it. We need more Len Elmore's, Brad Daugherty's, and Len Bias's. And we need less Dick Vitale's, Billy Packer's, and Digger Phelps's biased banter.
How can Bias and Len Elmore and Brad Daughtery call games?
Hilarious! No unbelievable BABY!
How the hell could Len Bias do anything? He's been dead since 85 or 86.
Dick is a blathering idiot!!!!
I can't stand his name dropping and if I have to hear about Duke one more time when they are not playing, I'm going to throw my TV out and quit watching College basketball all together.
Dick......do us all a favor and go away.
Whenever Dickie V - or Billy Packer for that matter - calls an IU game, the TV is muted and I listen to Don Fischer call the game.
While we're on the subject of annoying announcers, could someone please gag Walton?
Walton really is bad. But I get the feeling he thinks so highly of himself that no one could ever change him. Vitale is a nervous wreck, he chatters because he wants fans to love him. Different animal.
I remember Dick calling a Duke game (what else) a few years back an commenting on a Jason Williams dunk with "Look at the jumping ability!!! Both his parents, Ohio State graduates!!!!" As is there was some connection between the two.
Too funny. Sad, but true.
I think Mr. Vitale lost something ever since he stood on his head in the Assembly Hall a few years back
you are all sorry suckas!! Every heard of the golden rule!! I'll tell ya, the man with the most gold makes the RULES!! ESPN puts Dick Vitale on TV because he makes ratings, always has, always will!! Same as Duke!! Why is Duke the #1 televised College B-ball team....GOLDEN RULE!!! As for no true College B-ball fan liking Dickie V, the chump who said that is stupid. Name dropping and catchphrases is your attacks!! ahahahaha YOU STUPID FUCKS!!! if it sells, then who the hell are you to stop it. The power of money!!! Eat shit you un capitilistic democrats!! EAT SHIT!!
Awesome blog. Peace out until next time TabathaOster
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Girl, this brilliantly illustrates what I say all the time--ya hate Dick but ya love him just the same. What would we do without such a loudmouth, sentimental suckup? Here's a question: will Vitale ever reach the heights achieved by Howard Cosell, or has he already?
Posted by: crow45 | January 6, 2006 09:57 AM